Love, Motivation, and the Stamps We Give Ourselves

Ah, February—the month of heart-shaped everything and grand declarations of romance. But, how often do we reflect on the love and appreciation we give ourselves? 

There’s a lesson I learned in fourth grade—long before I ever became a counselor or coach—that speaks to this beautifully.

It taught me about intrinsic motivation—and indirectly, the importance of recognizing our worth and celebrating our progress. 

A Fourth-Grade Lesson in Motivation and Self-Worth 

In fourth grade, my teacher, Linda, introduced a simple but powerful incentive system. At the time, I didn’t know it had a name. I had no clue that later in life I would build incentive programs in HR or eventually become a counselor helping people rediscover their values, purpose, and inner balance. 

But there I was—white uniform, braided hair—knowing only one thing: I loved when Linda gave me a stamp. 

Her system was simple: for every test we did well on, we’d get a “Bravissima!” stamp in our diaries. Collect ten stamps, and we’d earn a prize. Over two years, I collected plenty of those stamps. I also earned multiple prizes... yet here’s the kicker: I don’t remember a single one of the prizes.

I’ve tried to jog my memory—nothing comes to mind. Seriously, not a clue. 

But you know what I do remember?

The joy of seeing that Bravissima stamp appear on my diary. The pride that filled me as the word lit up the page. That feeling of being seen, acknowledged, and celebrated was far more powerful than any prize. 

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

Without realizing it at the time, I was learning a powerful life lesson:

The difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

Extrinsic motivation is driven by external rewards—money, prizes, or recognition. While it can inspire effort in the short term, it often doesn't create deep, lasting fulfillment. 

Intrinsic motivation comes from within. It's fueled by the sheer joy of learning, growth, and accomplishment. It’s why a child who loves learning will stay curious even without gold stars. And it’s why that simple Bravissima stamp stayed with me long after the prizes faded from memory. 

In many ways, intrinsic motivation parallels self-love.

Just as external rewards aren’t enough to sustain long-term motivation, external validation isn’t enough to sustain true emotional well-being.  

Self-love is about nurturing our inner world—celebrating the person we are becoming, independent of external approval. 

 

Motivation in Love and Relationships

You might be wondering, what does intrinsic motivation have to do with love this Valentine’s Day? Everything. 

In healthy, lasting relationships, we don't thrive on superficial grand gestures alone (though hey, a surprise date or box of chocolates never hurts!).

True connection comes from feeling seen, appreciated, and celebrated in both small moments and big. It also involves the internal work of nurturing yourself so you can fully show up for your partner. 

A relationship grounded in intrinsic love doesn’t depend solely on outside validation.

Instead, it’s rooted in curiosity about each other, appreciation for growth, and the joy of shared experiences. Likewise, the love we show ourselves—acknowledging progress and honoring our worth—is what helps us cultivate richer connections with others. 

 

How to Cultivate Intrinsic Motivation (and Self-Love) 

Here are a few ways to foster both intrinsic motivation and deeper emotional connection—with yourself and others:

1. Focus on the Journey

Ask yourself:  What parts of this task—or relationship—bring me joy? When we focus solely on results (promotion, success, praise—or even relationship milestones), motivation can wane. Instead, find fulfillment in the day-to-day process, whether it's learning something new or enjoying a quiet moment of connection with a loved one. 

2. Recognize Growth Milestones

We often overlook small wins while chasing big goals. The same goes for relationships—we might be so focused on "where things are headed" that we forget to appreciate the meaningful moments along the way. Celebrate small victories: finishing a project, practicing a new skill, or having a heartfelt conversation with your partner. 

3. Create Your Own ‘Bravissima!’ Moments

Just as my teacher stamped our diaries with Bravissima, you can create your own moments of self-acknowledgment. Pause to recognize what you’ve accomplished—big or small. Journaling, reflecting, or even taking yourself out for a coffee to celebrate a win can build stronger intrinsic motivation. 

4. Acknowledge and Appreciate Others

Self-love and relational love aren’t mutually exclusive. Just as you nurture your own progress, take time to acknowledge your partner's. Small moments of appreciation—like a genuine "Thank you for listening today"—can deepen emotional intimacy. 

 

What Stamps Are You Placing on Your Life’s Diary?

This lesson from my childhood reminds me that the real joy in life often doesn’t come from the prizes—it comes from the process of becoming. The quiet moments of acknowledgment, learning, and thriving are what make us feel truly alive.

So, as you continue on your journey of growth this February, I invite you to reflect: 

What internal rewards are you creating for yourself?

What stamps are you placing on your life’s diary today? 

How are you nurturing love—in yourself and in your relationships?

 

Because in the end, the greatest reward isn’t something we can hold.

It’s the inner confidence and joy we cultivate along the way.

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